Surprisingly, it's not changing diapers.
I hate feeding my family. I hate shopping for the food, which either happens with both kids in tow or at 8 o'clock at night once daddy is home and the boys are asleep. I hate trying to plan a menu. I hate trying to time meal preparation around Will's early bed time and Jamie's late nights at work. I hate that I don't EVER make our food spicy enough to eliminate the need for Jamie to dress is up after I serve him (at this point he keeps a jar of cajun seasoning ready and waiting by his seat at the table). I hate that Will eats perhaps two bites, if I'm lucky, before dumping his plate over and flinging food onto the floor. I hate having a messy kitchen when I'm done (even though Jamie frequently does the dishes, which I appreciate - though he never wipes the counter, which drives me crazy). And I hate that I am rarely hungry and don't even actually ENJOY eating thanks to a lifetime of dieting and feeling overweight. Which means that aside from the satisfaction of keeping my family ALIVE, I don't really GET anything out of the whole cooking deal. So, in short, feeding my family is my most hated responsibility.
Honestly, I remember that I need to make dinner usually at about 5 o'clock each evening which is too late to start cooking the more involved things that I have planned. And the guilt starts to set in that once again, I will be throwing something together at the last minute. And then, as is becoming the norm, Jamie will call at 5:30 or so (at the time when I'm starting to get anxious for his homecoming because I've been alone all day with the boys) to tell me that he's still at work and running late. Which is disappointing for obvious reasons, but also makes me grateful that I didn't put in the work on a meal that would be cold by the time he ate it, and reinforces my bad cooking practices because seriously, why even bother. And then I just feed Will WHATEVER because I know he won't eat it anyway. Which makes me feel like a bad mother. So essentially feeding my family is freaking hard and rarely leaves me feeling like anything but a bad wife and mother. I'm becoming resolved to the fact that I can't win.
Today in my email I got a thing from the What to Expect When You're Expecting website from when I was pregnant with Will and signed up for emails like every other uber excited first timer. And now I'm too lazy to un-subscribe. Anyway, so the title was The Miracle Toddler Diet. I was hopeful, when I clicked on the link, that maybe it would tell me what to feed my child to make him EAT, but instead it was a link to a blogger talking about how her toddler eats, well, EXACTLY like Will. Though not really because I don't let him eat candy or dog food. And while it's not clean per se (thanks to Will's EXTREME fear of vacuum cleaners) I don't have old food laying around the house. And I don't even own lipstick. So I guess I can feel somewhat superior in that, when Will eats, he eats actual food. But in the end, I relate completely to this blogger because Will DOESN'T eat and like me, she seems to have just embraced that. I'm SO over making him nice meals only to clean them up off the floor. There are days when I marvel that the boy is still ALIVE, much less running around my house like a little maniac. He is getting rather trim though.
He was 18 lbs 12 oz at his 4 month well-visit. Just about double his birth weight. I don't remember when Will hit 19 lbs, but it CERTAINLY wasn't at 4 months. Sheesh. I can't remember exactly, but I think Jake measured 24 inches. He's a thick little guy, but in general he's just BIG. Sometimes I have to remind myself how young he is. He's rolling over like a champ these days, but his size makes me feel like he should be sitting up and crawling already. I'm going to have to remind myself continually not to expect too much of him too soon. Though I don't doubt that he'll be chasing Will around the house before I know it. I'm pretty excited for those days, to be honest. In part because carrying that heavy little guy around is hard, but mostly because it will be so awesome for Will to have a playmate who isn't a thirty year old woman. What great friends they will be.