So far today I've 1) Slept in until 7:30 2) Watched 3 episodes of "Bringing Home Baby" on TLC 3) Gone shopping for baby clothes 4) Ate a peanut butter sandwich and 5) Watched the Young and the Restless. It is now 1:30 and I'm bored. Jamie is up in his office doing work, Charlie is curled up under my feet, and life is just chill. I wonder how long I'll be able to stand it. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad not to be at work. I feel well rested and my feet aren't swollen (at least I don't think they are, I don't really remember what my normal feet look like). It certainly heightens the anticipation of childbirth though. I'm literally sitting around here WAITING to go into labor.
I bought two outfits today. One for a baby boy and one for a baby girl. They are "going home" outfits! So we're prepared either way! It was so fun picking them out, imagining the different scenarios :-) Everything about this baby is a mystery to us right now! I'm glad we didn't find out what we're having. We've spent the last 9 months waiting and wondering, unable to develop any preconceived notions of life after baby. Not even able to refer to baby by name. That has been really hard at times. I completely understand why most people chose not to wait though. The temptation to KNOW your child in any way you can as soon as you can is nearly irresistible. Knowing your baby's gender is a huge part of knowing your child and dramatically shapes the way you envision the future.
A few weeks back, our pastor was talking about being a father to his daughter, about loving the things she loves, about being her biggest fan, about valuing and respecting her as a person. He was talking about how important a role a father plays in the life of his daughter. She will forever look to the way her father treated her, loved her, as an example of how God loves her and as an example of how ALL men should treat her. I know this to be true. I can't even imagine how hard it is for a woman who didn't have a father, or who had a bad one, to ever understand the unconditional love of God and to trust that He is always good in His actions. Knowing God is easy for me. I just imagine a really big and powerful version of my dad. So much of what I think and expect of men is wrapped up in my father. And I give him full credit for the choices I've made when it comes to the men I've allowed into my life, most particularly my husband. Because I know what a good man looks like. I know that a good man treats a woman tenderly and with respect. And I honestly don't tolerate being treated otherwise. Because I know what I'm worth and what I deserve. My father taught me that. And my husband reaffirms it daily. I can't wait to see the kind of father Jamie will be. The impact of a father on his children, particularly his daughters, cannot be underestimated. I wish society would acknowledge that. I think most of our societal woes can be directly linked to the demise of the nuclear family. But I digress . . . After our pastor finished speaking, he asked all the fathers of daughters to stand so that we could pray for them, that they would do God justice and be the men their daughters need them to be. Jamie didn't know whether to stand up or not. He told me later that it was the first and only time he's regretted waiting to find out the sex of our child. I'm sure it wasn't because he missed out on the prayer. I think it was about wanting to know, to prepare for that all important role, to get ready to be Daddy to our little girl. Honestly, he's got nothing to worry about. I wouldn't have fallen in love with him if he weren't already up to the job.