Memories of Us

Hello Again

Long time, no blogging.  I won't even try to catch you up on three whole months of my adventures with two under two.  And actually, I as I write that, it occurs to me that I don't have two UNDER two.  My little big man officially turned terrible more than a month ago.  And I mean that literally.  TERRIBLE.  I spend 50% of the day anymore wondering where my sweet little guy went, because the little monster crying his head off in time-out CANNOT POSSIBLY be him.  Not really.  Maybe a little.  But seriously, he's a very different kid than the one I blogged about when last I blogged.  He's grown so much.  80% of what he says nowadays consists of two words.  "What's that?"  Seriously.  ALL DAY LONG.  He even points to things I KNOW he knows, just because he wants to hear my answer.  It's still in the adorable stage at this point, so I don't mind.  While his ability to verbally communicate is on the sparse side, he understands most of what we say and follows directions pretty well (when he wants to, that is).  I'm eager for his language skills to grow as I think frustration at not being able to convey what he wants is the source of most of his tantrums at this point.  Well, that and the existence of his little brother.  He still has many many moments when he's the sweet big brother, but more often than not Will doesn't want Jake anywhere near his personal space or HIS toys (a category that apparently includes ALL toys).  And I've tried to be very respectful of Will's right to be left alone and need to have his own things.  I don't want to feel like I'm INFLICTING Jake on him.  But often times I feel like Jake gets the shaft.  I feel guilty about that.  He is so laid back that it's just easier to give in to Will at Jake's expense.  Plus, while Will is at the age where he cares DEEPLY about EVERYTHING, Jake is still so little that he doesn't really care about anything.  As long as there's A toy in his hand, he's cool.  I'm worried that exploiting that fact is going to catch up to me in a bad way.  Anyway, so the sibling thing is starting to get harder.  Not that having two kids was easier before, it's just becoming harder in a different way.  Less running around trying to meet everyone's needs, more running around trying to keep the peace.  Sheesh, I didn't mean to rejoin the blogging world by griping about my two year old.  Anyway, I figure a good way to bring you up to speed is just a list.  And then a bunch of recent pictures.  So, here goes.

• Jake is 9 months old, almost 24 lbs (90th percentile) , 28.5 inches (60th percentile)
• Jake is crawling and pulling up and climbing on things already (God help me)
• Jake has two teeth and can feed himself puffs and Mum-mums
• Will is 28 lbs and I can't remember how tall, but he was in the 60th percentil for both
• Will's newest skilss are jumping with both feet at once and scaling the stairs by himself
• Will is in LOVE with trains.  For serious.  LOVE. 
• Jamie is deploying in the very near future for what is actually a pretty short length of time by militray standards, but still, longer than he's ever been away from the boys.

So, that's the broad strokes.  And now, the pictures.

Daddy and his boys at the zoo.

Jamie loves this picture.

He loves trains.  Even the crappy fake train at the zoo.

Because Will LOVES trains, we took a trip to Strasburg, PA where we got to RIDE a full size train pulled by a steam engine!  It was really nice actually, even if you aren't IN LOVE with trains.  Will was SUPER excited.  Like, he Couldn't! Even! BELIEVE IT!  A real train!  Like RIGHT THERE! 

We sat in what we thought was the last car.  Until right before we left, when the engine pulled up right behind us and hooked on.  That's when things went south.  And then, they blew the whistle.  The loudest freaking whistle you ever heard in your life.  From that point on, this is how he looked.

He insisted that I keep his ear covered.  Poor kid.  I thought maybe we had ruined trains for him forever.

At least Jake was happy.

Fortunately the engine only pulled from our end of the train on the trip down.  It uncoupled and was all the way at the other end for the trip back.  We could hardly hear it.  He came out of his shell after that, but only a little.  Things where totally fine later though, after we went in the store and discovered a train table and Thomas the Tank Engine galore.  We're going to go ride it again when Jamie gets back and Thomas the Engine will actually be there.  It is going to blow his mind!  I'm so excited!  Also, we will sit in the middle of the train next time.

Family pictures and current events

So, I underestimated my photographer a few weeks back.  I'm not sure how she managed to capture such wonderful photos.  Considering the near permanent scowl that was on Will's face the whole time, I have a feeling some serious retouching had to be done.  But however she did it, we wound up with some really great pictures.  Here are  my favorites.

I was so pleasantly surprised!  We will be using her again.  Now that I've found a good photographer we can afford, I plan on having family pictures taken at least every year, probably more like every 6 months while the boys are young and changing so much.

In news of a less personal nature, Osama Bin Laden is dead.  I have to admit that my first thought upon hearing it was "Oh shit, what are they going to do to us now."  But then it occurred to me that the terrorists are already consumed by irrational rage at our mere existence and that killing their figurehead isn't going to incite them to do something they weren't going to do anyway.  While I don't feel at all safer that he's dead, it is certainly satisfying to know that some measure of justice has been done.  And it is truly awe inspiring and a little terrifying that our military has the capability and perseverance to locate a single person in this whole wide world whose primary focus it was to remain hidden.  I hope all those terrorists out there find it terrifying too.  And that we have such bad ass special forces who can carry out such missions is something to admire.  And though I have no love lost for President Obama, I give him credit for making the daring decision to send in our men, make this personal, and get confirmation of his identity.  It really bothers me that he didn't give any recognition to President Bush though.  And it bothered me even more in the days to follow when I heard people gloating that Obama did what Bush couldn't, when in reality, Obama couldn't have done what he did if not for Bush.  It's just disingenuous and petty to pretend otherwise.  Playing politics with something so historically significant introduces divisiveness into what should be a unifying moment.  But all that aside, it was a good day in the war on terror.  

Speaking of the war on terror (even though I think Obama doesn't want us to call it that anymore), I expect Jamie to be deploying sometime in the coming months.  I'm dreading it.  Will is old enough to actually miss him now which means my heartbreak will essentially double when he leaves.  Missing him myself is hard, but knowing that my little boy is missing his daddy is going to be so much worse.  He's gone right now, though only on a short state-side mission.  I took the boys to Costco today and we saw a man there in a green flight suit like the ones Jamie wears to work.  Will thought it was Jamie.  He started calling out "Daddy" as the guy walked by.  I did my best to correct him, but he's still a bit too young to understand.  He was still calling out for "Daddy" a few aisles later.  He never really got upset about it and seemed to just let it go after a while.  But I imagine this was just a preview of what's to come.  It's going to be rough.  I'm ready for this war to be over now.

Sleepless

I think we are re-entering the "frequent solo-parenting" part of military life.  Jamie left again this morning.  I guess I should just be grateful that we had such a long stretch of normalcy, particularly since it came when I was adjusting to having two kids.  And honestly, I'm not even intimidated anymore by the prospect of solo-parenting my two little guys.  And besides, except for weekends and the two hours at night that the boys are still awake when Jamie's home during the week, I'm doing it all by myself anyway.  And when he's home I still end up being the default parent which is, I suppose, understandable since I'm more familiar with how things work, but incredibly irritating nonetheless.  The hardest parts of solo parenting are dinner, bath, and bedtime, which all occur in the last 1.5 hours of the day and are busy even when there are two of us.  It's downright hectic doing it by myself.  The hardest part of Jamie being gone though is the loneliness.  There are days when he's the only other grown up I see.  And I miss the comfort of having a partner to back me up or come to my rescue.  I feel profoundly vulnerable when he's gone and I feel the responsibility of those two little boys more acutely in his absence.  Hence the sleeplessness and blogging at midnight.

I feel that I've really grown as a mother in the past 6 months.  It has been SO challenging, but I'm stronger and more confident as a result.  And it's getting easier.  Will, while he has declared himself dictator of the world and boss of ME, is becoming more self-sufficient.  I can actually leave him downstairs while I put the baby down for naps or bed without fearing that he will cause irreparable harm to himself or the house in my absence.  It's nice.  I only occasionally get stressed out by juggling them both, usually only when they both need something at the same time.  Because let's face it, somebody is just going to have to wait his turn, and with babies waiting = crying.  I have to admit, at this point, that I only really find Jake's crying distressing (unless Will is actually, physically hurt).  Because Jake is still mostly helpless and only ever cries when he NEEDS something.  Will cries all the freaking time.  Because he doesn't get his way.  Because the laws of nature don't bend according to his will.  Because when you're almost two, life is just SO HARD.  It is ANNOYING.  But it is also so very very loud.  So, often times I'm torn between placating Will first just to shut him up even though that leaves poor sweet Jake crying, versus just ignoring Will and his ear-splitting wails while I tend to Jake.  Either way, it's stressful and loud.  That being said, the simultaneous crying is not a frequent occurrence and really doesn't even phase me that much when it does happen.  Jake is finally settling into a somewhat predictable nap schedule, which pleases the planner in me.  However, the boys naps rarely overlap for long and pretty much keep us trapped at home until 3 in the afternoon on most days.  Somebody is always sleeping around here.  Except for me, that is.  Anyway, life is becoming more ordered and I find that such a relief.  

Jake is officially huge.  He weighed 21 lbs at his appointment which puts him like, off the charts.  He's only 50% for height though.  The doctor said his numbers are proportioned like a sumo wrestler, which is a pretty accurate description of his physique at this point.  He's my adorable little sumo wrestler.  I know this phase won't last long though.  In another week he'll be crawling off some of that baby chub and one day soon he'll hit a growth spurt.  I just need to savor his little sweet baby rolls while they last and treasure my roly poly cherub.  

He's just growing so fast!  I made Jamie lower the crib mattress before he left because Jake could actually lift himself up high enough when on his belly to peek at me over the top rail.  It was really cute seeing his smiling face greeting me after nap time, but made me nervous.  Once he starts crawling, which will be literally any day now, it won't be long before he can pull up on things (I think Will started pulling up like two days after he mastered crawling).  So, we dropped the mattress to the lowest setting.  And thus said goodbye to another element of babyhood.  It makes me so sad to think of it that way.  I guess I should just be happy for him as he discovers his physical abilities and proud that he is learning so quickly.  Because seriously people, he's SO CLOSE.