I think we are re-entering the "frequent solo-parenting" part of military life. Jamie left again this morning. I guess I should just be grateful that we had such a long stretch of normalcy, particularly since it came when I was adjusting to having two kids. And honestly, I'm not even intimidated anymore by the prospect of solo-parenting my two little guys. And besides, except for weekends and the two hours at night that the boys are still awake when Jamie's home during the week, I'm doing it all by myself anyway. And when he's home I still end up being the default parent which is, I suppose, understandable since I'm more familiar with how things work, but incredibly irritating nonetheless. The hardest parts of solo parenting are dinner, bath, and bedtime, which all occur in the last 1.5 hours of the day and are busy even when there are two of us. It's downright hectic doing it by myself. The hardest part of Jamie being gone though is the loneliness. There are days when he's the only other grown up I see. And I miss the comfort of having a partner to back me up or come to my rescue. I feel profoundly vulnerable when he's gone and I feel the responsibility of those two little boys more acutely in his absence. Hence the sleeplessness and blogging at midnight.
I feel that I've really grown as a mother in the past 6 months. It has been SO challenging, but I'm stronger and more confident as a result. And it's getting easier. Will, while he has declared himself dictator of the world and boss of ME, is becoming more self-sufficient. I can actually leave him downstairs while I put the baby down for naps or bed without fearing that he will cause irreparable harm to himself or the house in my absence. It's nice. I only occasionally get stressed out by juggling them both, usually only when they both need something at the same time. Because let's face it, somebody is just going to have to wait his turn, and with babies waiting = crying. I have to admit, at this point, that I only really find Jake's crying distressing (unless Will is actually, physically hurt). Because Jake is still mostly helpless and only ever cries when he NEEDS something. Will cries all the freaking time. Because he doesn't get his way. Because the laws of nature don't bend according to his will. Because when you're almost two, life is just SO HARD. It is ANNOYING. But it is also so very very loud. So, often times I'm torn between placating Will first just to shut him up even though that leaves poor sweet Jake crying, versus just ignoring Will and his ear-splitting wails while I tend to Jake. Either way, it's stressful and loud. That being said, the simultaneous crying is not a frequent occurrence and really doesn't even phase me that much when it does happen. Jake is finally settling into a somewhat predictable nap schedule, which pleases the planner in me. However, the boys naps rarely overlap for long and pretty much keep us trapped at home until 3 in the afternoon on most days. Somebody is always sleeping around here. Except for me, that is. Anyway, life is becoming more ordered and I find that such a relief.
Jake is officially huge. He weighed 21 lbs at his appointment which puts him like, off the charts. He's only 50% for height though. The doctor said his numbers are proportioned like a sumo wrestler, which is a pretty accurate description of his physique at this point. He's my adorable little sumo wrestler. I know this phase won't last long though. In another week he'll be crawling off some of that baby chub and one day soon he'll hit a growth spurt. I just need to savor his little sweet baby rolls while they last and treasure my roly poly cherub.
He's just growing so fast! I made Jamie lower the crib mattress before he left because Jake could actually lift himself up high enough when on his belly to peek at me over the top rail. It was really cute seeing his smiling face greeting me after nap time, but made me nervous. Once he starts crawling, which will be literally any day now, it won't be long before he can pull up on things (I think Will started pulling up like two days after he mastered crawling). So, we dropped the mattress to the lowest setting. And thus said goodbye to another element of babyhood. It makes me so sad to think of it that way. I guess I should just be happy for him as he discovers his physical abilities and proud that he is learning so quickly. Because seriously people, he's SO CLOSE.
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